Sunday, April 17, 2011

Mini update.

These past few months, that is from the beginning of January until now, have been very eventful. I've gotten into a sticky situation with my best guy friend that, sad to say, is still brewing and that, as we both have admitted, is going to come to a boiling point much worse than it did in January - but we've both semi-agreed to wait until at least after my 21st birthday to face that battle...and hopefully we can make our friendship work. Also, school has been progressing nicely. I'm finally getting through all my GEs and focusing on my major. Update: I'm no longer double majoring like I was going to. I do love sociology, but double majoring was just too much for me. On that subject, I did declare a minor. And, surprisingly, I didn't choose sociology. Instead, I chose history. As of late, I've been taking a number of history classes and I've really, really enjoyed all of them. It's so weird...sometimes I find myself wondering if perhaps I'd rather be a history teacher versus an English teacher. An exciting bit of news is that I also got a private tutoring job! I tutor a five-and-a-half-year-old boy named William (he's Korean) in reading and writing. He's a very smart kid, and I love him and his little sister to death already. When he's done with school I'll also be teaching him how to swim, so it's a really big sigh of relief that I'm involved in some sort of experience-training as a future teacher. I also get paid $20 an hour, so it's a nice side job. There's also been the concerts I've been to. Sum 41 surprised me, they were so great live! A Day to Remember...a little disappointing but I still love their music. They'll be at Warped Tour this year, but I'm not dying to see them again live. I also have another concert to tack onto the list, The Dirty Heads May 7. I already know they're going to be awesome live. So many things have happened...I know I'm leaving things out, but really I'm doing it on purpose. I hope things keep going well for me. I've been having a lot of fun, this past weekend was nice/awesome/I want to do it again soon. April 29-1 I'm heading up to Santa Barbara to visit my homegirls, super excited to see them again. The weekend of May 6 is Josh's little sister's quince (which I still need to buy a dress for since I'll be an usher), The Dirty Heads, AND Josh's birthday - which is going to be CRAZY. I already know. So, bring it!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

All I Need.

You know how they say everything's changing constantly? It's true. But most of those changes are subtle, barely noticeable. Like a flower growing, you don't notice it blooming until a couple days pass and what used to be a bud is all of a sudden an amazing orchid flower. It happens gradually, slowly.

All of a sudden, I've realized something. I've changed. Not by a lot. Just a little. But a little bit is a lot, actually. At least to me.

Over the years, I've stumbled upon myself time and time again. Realizing that I've been growing up - and not just physically - but as a person, emotionally, spiritually. What I believe is my soul, something deep inside me, has been growing more and more, that thing that makes a human being so precious in this life. I've been not so much changing as opposed to "adding" more to my worth as a person, a living being. I've realized that I've learned a lot, especially in these past few years. About myself. About others. It's only natural. Being twenty years young, I understand I have a lot more to learn, even though, I must admit, at times I think I know everything.

To be young is to be foolish. But, as one of my favorite authors (not so much for his books as his personality) has said: "I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher." Maybe it's our fate. In fact, it is. We can never know everything nor can we experience everything. But it's funny. There are experiences and things that it seems almost everyone has learned. For example, falling in love. For example, your first heartbreak. Older people, and I can include myself in this one, have experienced this. And so will those that come after us. As for things. For example, 2 x 2 = 4. For example, Rome is located in Italy. Those are simple examples, but it's those simple, or really, basic lessons most people learn in life.

It's when you've experienced things most people haven't or learned things most people don't know that you position yourself further away from the normalcy that I have grown to dislike.

I'm an oddity. But only because I've immersed myself in subjects that I find truly interesting. I've read countless books by Leo Tolstoy, read C.S. Lewis religiously, buried myself in the world J.K. Rowling blessed me with in Harry Potter (and that goes for all the sci fi I read and/or watch), kept up with my sometimes silly thoughts and drowned myself with philosophers' findings; Plato, Aristotle, Mill. Everything I've read, seen, been around, all of it, has made me who I am. I escape into my brain, into everything I've absorbed. And I soak it up, but, as far as sharing goes, it's hard to find people to talk with these things about, at least particular subjects. I guess it's not a big surprise. Most people my age...sad as it is to say, don't really THINK. They just do. And it's hilarious when I ask a person why it is they have an opinion on something, anything, and they answer with "I don't know." Well, I guess it's not hilarious. It's just crazy to me that people have never thought about why they have an opinion about something. It's one of those "opposite magnet feelings" when I meet a person who can't explain why they have an opinion about something - because there's so much potential there. You know, you just automatically think to yourself: "Oh, wow. 'This' isn't going to go anywhere with this person."

Probably why I'm such a picky person. It's not hard for me to make friends, I've just met a lot of people where I get that feeling of "Yikes! Must escape right away." It sounds a bit jerk-ish, but I can't help it and I won't apologize for it, even if it makes me look a bit like a douche. It's not like I judge a person after meeting them once or twice. It's when it's constant (and even then I give the benefit of the doubt, though I probably will avoid them). Because, of course, if I meet someone that has nothing in common with me, it's a turn off (and I don't mean that romantically or anything) - but sometimes, after awhile, you realize you actually do like hanging out with so-and-so, even though you can't talk with them about certain subjects and surprisingly you become friends. "Opposites attract." I'm friends with some people I NEVER thought I could be friends with before, so that benefit of the doubt I really mean, I don't want to close myself off to people who are different from me at all. In fact, it's often times those people who are the ones to broaden my horizons and take me places I've never been, to new mindsets I had before never seen or understood.

All this sounds like mumbo-jumbo....It's just...I'm really coming into my own now. I'm at that point where I don't care anymore. About perceptions. About first impressions. About what people think. Because I have all I need.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Good (new) music on the radio...AGAIN!

The Airborne Toxic Event - "Changing"


The Black Keys - "I Got Mine"


I am impressed, Radio. Highly impressed. Thank you for putting these songs on the airwaves, particularly "I Got Mine" (even though it came out in like '08, first time I've ever heard it on the radio - probably because of their hit "Tighten Up," and I actually listen to the radio dutifully.) Just the kind of music I like crusing along to with my sunglasses on, sunshine kissing my much-too-pale face. In fact, I only wear sunglasses when I want to look cool (and/or like an asshole), so big kudos to The Black Keys. Because they always make me want to wear some Ray Bans. It's so weird, I despise sunglasses and I live in Southern California AND I'm a lifeguard. But I just don't like the contraptions.

Anyway, this post isn't so much about the good, new music I've been discovering lately (even though there are quite a few songs I've grown very attached to and aren't necessarily "new"), it's more...and here's the out of the blue part...about all this drama going on in my life.

Well, most of it isn't mine. And that's probably the part I hate the most. Here's my piece: If you have a secret, then why would you tell someone your secret? If it's something you don't want anyone to know, then don't tell a soul. That's really what a secret is. Now I'll tell you what a secret is after you've told someone - gossip. Honestly. Don't tell anyone something you don't want someone to know - ever. If someone tells me a secret, I do my best to keep my mouth shut. First of all, it's none of my business (even though you now dragged me into your business). But keeping secrets is hard, and most people are going to tell at least one other person. Sometimes it stays in the bag, other times, it spirals out of control. But if it's a secret that's poisonous, disgusting, then...is it your duty to let someone know about it? No one wants to be the bearer of bad news. No one. Let's just say I hope this secret is revealed by the teller before too long, because if it's revealed to the person you're trying to keep it from it should be by the teller before anyone else. But enough about secrets.

Josh and I aren't talking, again, at the moment. This is nothing new. It happened in January. But I am not letting it happen again. I need space. But more than me needing space, it's he who needs space. He's too attached and I'm worried that he's never going to move on and meet another girl. He's stuck to me like glue - or was. It's honestly my fault. Because of everything going on in his life, I felt it was my duty as his best friend to always be there for him, to take care of him. But that's not my job. He's going to be 22 soon. He is a grown ass man, and I don't know what I was thinking trying to shelter him so much from all the junk going on in his life. It's sad to say, but sometimes a person needs to deal with their misfortune on their own - there's just no other way to grow stronger if you're relying on someone else to be strong for you.

I'm always there to be his escape. He can't drive. He doesn't have money. It's not his fault either. But I can't always be his escape. And I let myself be that for too long - and it's only made it worse.

I'm hoping this time around it will be different. That I can be there, but not always. I can be there when he needs me most, but not at any given time.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

For Japan.

My heart goes out to those in Japan.

A massive 8.9 earthquake, a tsunami the likes of which I've never seen, and a possible nuclear disaster...how much more worse can it get? I've been watching the news thrice daily, twice as much as usual, simply getting updates, particularly on what's going on with the nuclear plants.

The news just gets worse everyday. Getting the plants under control has proved ineffective...I just don't know if it will happen. The fear of what will happen after everyone "forgets" about Japan is what scares me. Just like everyone "forgot" about Hurricane Katrina, Haiti, Indonesia, etc.

I'm guilty of it. Everyone is. I'm trying hard to keep up with not only Japan but past disasters through The Red Cross. It's not much but I've donated $10 via text message to the crisis in Japan. You can also donate on their website at www.redcross.org.

All I can do is pray for the families that have lost loved ones or are still hearing news of where their loved ones are, as well as the country itself with thousands without homes and the shelters becoming overcrowded and supplies running low...

I commend the Japanese people for being so organized throughout this entire episode, coming together as a country and reaching out a hand for those in need. Seeing people come together, even after a huge tragedy, reminds me that humanity is good, no matter how bad it seems at times.

It just reminds me, helping out once isn't enough. For Hurricane Katrina my friends and I had a huge yard sale and donated the money to Habitat for Humanity. I only did one thing besides donate an additional sum for that disaster...in my own country. When Invisible Children came to my school my senior year in high school I became heavily involved and a few of my classmates and I who were inspired started a club called Students in Action (SIA). It didn't work out as nicely as we'd hoped, but we tried. Invisible Children I've actually kept tabs on since I was 17. It's a great organization that helps build schools for children in Africa, among other things. Their website is www.invisiblechildren.com.

I just want to encourage people who have more than enough to give to others, to help others, to try to make the motto "Love makes the world go round" more reality than wishful thinking. It starts with one. Whatever touches your heart most, whatever cause, organization, etc. stick with it, keep helping, keep giving.

Keep changing the world.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Starbucks needs to stop being snooty.

What's with the drink sizes here? It seems every time I order I get corrected.

"Uh, no, you want a VENTI. GRANDE means MED-I-UM. Like, as in smaller than large," explains Ron, who stands behind the register with a concerned look upon his clean-shaven face.

"Well, excuse me, RON. I'm terribly sorry that all your drink sizes mean 'large' and that I'm inept at using Starbucks terminology - but can you just get me the largest size available ASAP?!" I am quite rude when I've only gotten 4 hours of sleep and must study for a midterm for at least 6 hours (minimum). Ronnie boy didn't even ask for my name to scribble across my Light Mocha frap cup, even though I'm sure he wanted to write "Bitch."

Now I love Starbucks just like any other All-American citizen. But tell me, why is an AMERICAN company using Italian to describe their beverage sizes? For example, Venti means "twenty" - in Starbucks lingo it translates to "large" as Ron was kind enough to point out.

I just think they're being snooty.

Also, another thing that bugs me about Starbucks is their new way of advertising. They no longer showcase their Tall, Grande, and Venti size prices. Just their Grande and Venti, as if Tall has flown out the window. In fact, I thought it had been discharged completely. But no, a friendly little asterisk showed that they still offered "Tall"...at the very bottom of the menu.

All I have to say is...hey, that ain't nice. Smart, but unkind.

I really feel like I should have chosen to go into advertising as a career.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Day 12: 10 things you'd like to do before you die.

Aha! I bet you thought I forgot about the 30-now-a-bajillion-day-Blog-Challenge! Well, I did not. I just haven't had the mojo to tackle a few of the days, like the ones that should include pictures since I actually want to go out and take photos of my hometown, etc (not just for the blog but as a side project for my Nikon).

So, I'll be skipping days, and picking the ones I can (want to) answer first. I picked Day 12 because I have a decent Bucket List that I've recently been tweaking since New Year's.

Grace's 10 Things to Do Before She Departs (in no particular order):

1. Live "The Dream"
Fall in love and have the person I fall in love with stay in love with me and I with him. Take note of the "stay" - basically find "The One," get married, make adorable babies, raise them to be amazing people - the whole shbang! Moving on from the boring...

2. Run a 5K.
I know I will do this. In fact, it's a goal I've made for this year and I've been "training" diligently for it. For those of you who don't know, a 5K run is about 3 miles. Which is nothing...at least it seems like nothing to me since I've been running 3 or more miles a day now (I ran 6.32 miles last night and burned 742.2 calories in an hour and 5 minutes, a personal record!) Of course, that's on ellipticals. I have yet to take my training into the "outdoors" with the elements and change in terrain (*shiver*). I've been dabbling with the resistance on the elliptical in these 3 weeks since I've joined 24hr Fitness and I now run at 5 resistance regularly; I'm looking to move that up to 10 by summer. Regardless, it's constant so I know running around town is going to be much harder to do. Still, I'm excited to complete a 5K!

3. ATTEMPT/possibly complete a marathon.
This will take me much longer than a year to prep for. I am NOWHERE near ready to try and run a marathon, which is 26 freakin' miles (I honestly KNOW I would die). And I know I sound like a lunatic but I really, really want to be one of those 40-year-olds who participate in marathons and have killer bods when I get older. So what if I'm a freak! I've embraced it and I would love to try and challenge myself physically. Besides, it's only going to do me good since I would need to organize a strict regime (oh yeah and be in the best shape of my life). On top of that, if I am somehow able to complete a marathon (can't fathom it), I'd really want to attempt (keyword here) a triathalon, which would include a 750m swim (about a half mile) - anyone in swim knows a 500yd freestyle is 20 laps, so 750m is no joke! (plus it will be in the ocean, crrrrrazy) - 20km biking (12ish miles), finishing with 5km of running (3ish, the 5K I'll be doing.) I'm thinking within the next 5 years I'll be attempting one of these!

4. Do something really, really, really dangerous and life-threatening...
...like sky-dive, bungie jump, cage dive with sharks, rock climb on an ACTUAL non-plastic mountain, or complete a triathalon (just kidding). I actually really want to try rock climbing. It looks like a good time, and not as heart-plummetingly scary as the others - yet super dangerous at the same time of course.

5. Backpack across Europe.
Oh, it's cliche. But who the hell cares?! How awesome would it be to just pack a bunch of junk into a huge backpack and live day by day, taking life stride for exploratory stride? TOO AWESOME. It would be very liberating for me since I "need guarantees" in life - and backpacking means I might not be guaranteed a place to even stay. I know people are thinking: A girl backpacking alone? Doesn't seem very safe. But I don't plan on going alone. I'd need to find an adventure-seeking partner, which shouldn't be so hard...right? Besides, I'm lucky enough to know English, which is known the world over. Like my cousin from Korea told me, if she knew English she'd just pick up and travel herself. Kind of reaffirmed how much I want to do this.

6. Visit the Motherland.
AKA South Korea. Being half Korean, it only seems natural that I'd visit the country my mother migrated from. However, I wouldn't want to go just as a tourist but as an English teacher and/or student, studying the language (as well as 'splorin') and possibly fly myself over to Japan to explore my ultimate travel destination: Tokyo. Which I'll just include as an attachment thing I want to do onto #6.

7. Continue donating my hair every year as my New Year's "Resolution."
It's just a simple act of kindness that's as easy as 1, 2, SNIP.

8. Learn to play the guitar already!
I've been wanting to learn since...forever! I've just been very lazy and it seems teaching myself to play is impossible. So, here is my step towards accomplishing that goal: I'm taking a prep guitar class at my school next quarter. Go Grace, Go! Screw you, Diego.

9. Get drunk and rowdy in a pub in Ireland (when I read your list Paloma, I gave a big hoo-ah when I saw this one.)
I've wanted to do it since I saw P.S. I Love You. Vanessa and I are convinced we'll meet our husbands in Ireland.

10. Become a teacher.
Accomplishing this goal would solidify why I "suffered" so much through school. It would tell me that it was all worth it, that landing a career I (hopefully) love IS actually possible.

I have a ton of other things I want to do on my Bucket List, but I put goals that really mean a lot to me (okay maybe not #9 even though I do want to visit Ireland, which I will when I go backpacking). Most of the other items on my list are silly little things like roll down a hill in one of those big plastic ball thingamajigs or boring-ish like master the art of baking (okay, that's not boring, more like something that's going to take tons of trial-and-error attempts) or impossible-but-it-sounds-nice-anyway like learn another language. As for now, my list stands as is. Hopefully, I'll be able to start checking these off very soon!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Jack Johnson makes me such a happy camper.

I swear, if the world were coming to an end with all hell breaking loose but Jack Johnson was singing peacefully away into my Skullcandy reggae-inspired earbuds I wouldn't mind it...well, at least not as much.

Lately I've been feeling really mopey. I don't know why. I mean, it's really a myriad of things. The typical I miss my friends-school stress-where the hell is my life headed?! junk, but this mood has been sticking to me like stripes on a damn Zebra. I really hope it goes away.

Today was the first time I've been to church in about 2 months. I feel horrible about that fact. And my life really starts spinning out of control when I stop going. It's not because I haven't wanted to - I really have wanted to - but I've been getting scheduled to work most Sundays and, after much fooling around on Saturdays, I fall wayward and sleep in when I should go to church.

...So maybe my desires need to sort themselves out...

When God is first in my life, even if my life is falling to pieces, I feel like I can conquer anything - and I do with His help, even if it takes a long time.

Today's sermon really made me think about things. Where my priorities should fall. How I need to control myself more.

I'm ashamed to say that I haven't been putting God first in my life lately. I've been putting myself first, getting into the foolish mentality that a person pulls themselves up by their own bootstraps.

How stupid. Human beings, despite their accomplishments, are weaklings. We need help, and it's probably the stupidest thing to admit that you don't, or, NEVER need help. I like to think of a person who doesn't know how to swim being pushed in a pool who has such a philosophy on life. What's the first thing they're going to scream to the lifeguard on duty? "HELP ME!"

It's the same in life.

Right now, I need help getting my priorities straight. And I'll yell and scream "Help me!" to God with no shame whatsoever. He always saves the day.