Saturday, July 24, 2010

Sick, yet again.

There is nothing worse than being sick in the summer. NOTHING. Dramatic I know, but it is horrendous. I got sick from my mom who picked something up from one of her co-workers. But the quickness with which I picked it up probably has to do with me overworking myself. I've been working every single day since summer started practically. In fact, I never get a day off unless I request it off. Granted, I am making BANK. But at the same time working so much left me with little time with Caitie while she was down here, and I'm trying to schedule in an L.A. trip with Vanessa before she leaves next weekend. Just another reminder of growing up. Scheduling EVERYTHING, saying goodbye to best friends who live in entirely different cities/states, working like a dog, searching for that desperately needed break in the form of friend/family/beloved couch time...or simply getting sick, which is sad to say WOULD be a vacation if I could afford it. Alas, I have a runny nose that's gushing like a waterfall, a throat that feels like sandpaper and work at 7. I wish I could call in, but it's much too late for that and for some odd reason, I refuse to because I feel it's my responsibility to work despite feeling like utter poo. Why? No idea.

Time to suck it up. Or blow my nose.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Friendship, Love, Me

Friendship is a hard thing. It's hard to hold onto, even though it should be easy. You really have to put a lot of effort into it, at least if you want it to last. It really deserves the -ship at the end of it, because of all relationships it is the most important. Without friendship, life would be unimaginable. If you look back on your life, the happiest and most fun times are those shared with friends. Well, at least for me. Good friends become family and good family become friends.

Losing a good friend...

Now it's happened to everyone. And it's a terrifying thing. When you're close friends with someone, best friends, you "know" that you will always be friends. This is a mistake, but not one you can control because in all honesty that is what you think indefinitely. In fact, not being friends with them is unimaginable. But then it happens...and it messes up your notion of indefinitely knowing ANYTHING.

If you were 100 percent positive that the two of you would be friends forever and then one day (and it happens gradually but at the same time seems to end like the last flicker of a candle - quickly) you simply are not...

It's scary. Anything you're sure of you're no longer sure of.

The same is true of love. You know that in the end you will know each other forever, love each other forever...and then one day, same as with a friend, it's gone. And you're left wondering if you can ever be sure of anything.

And the answer is...quite obviously, no, you cannot.

But it's weird how we think we can be so sure of something. That's the newest life lesson I've learned.

Then there's also me...

Who I am. What I'm like.

I've been thinking about it a lot.

I know me, obviously. But at the same time...I don't understand some of the things I do.

That question you routinely find asking yourself: "Why did I do that?" or even "Why am I like this?" I've been asking myself a lot lately.

And then the insecure question you don't want to even be asking yourself because you're sure it's just you being vain: "Why do people like me so much?"

You come up with answers, but it's never a full answer.

It blows my mind that I can't fully answer questions about MYSELF.

Just think about it.