Monday, June 8, 2009


I think feeling helpless has to be one of the worst emotions one can feel. Right now, that's how I feel. When something bad happens to a person I care a lot about, something I can do nothing about, I feel and am utterly helpless. I've grown very attached to my roommate Danielle, and one reason I don't want to leave this school is because I know we'll start to drift apart. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm simply being realistic. We both acknowledge this, and we both acknowledge that we are sad about it. But we also acknowledge that these past few months have created a quick yet powerful bond we will never forget. I'll always remember my roommate of my freshmen year in college and how much we hit it off. The late night talks, the complaints, the adventures, the midnight munchies. However, right now, I feel helpless. And since she is one of my closest friends, I feel saddened., my, my. When they take a turn for the worse, nothing can make it better. Absolutely nothing. Ain't it a crazy thing. Well, I don't know what's going to happen between her and Aaron...I don't know if she should break up with him now and start the healing process or if she should wait it out another year. It reminds me a lot of when Caitie was here. Every other day being another fight, another night of tears....

I wish I could help. But I know that I can't.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Amazing Grace.

It may seem cliche, it may seem boring, but "Amazing Grace" is my favorite song of all time (and no, not because it includes my name, though that's a plus) before "Pie Jesu." It is one of the only songs that can make goosebumps run up and down my spine, the ONLY one that can make me close my eyes and get lost in its power (without even realizing it). And, of course, it's going to be played at my funeral (along with "Bridge Over Troubled Water"), but not just the instrumental version (bagpipes, naturally), also the vocal (which I'm undecided about). I'm very particular when it comes to the vocal renditions of "Amazing Grace," and only the best get my stamp of approval. I think "Amazing Grace" has the most renditions of any song out there. You really need to get into this song when you're singing it, and I can't get over how powerful it is. I guess another reason I'm so fond of it is because it's apart of my childhood, and beliefs. My dad used to hum the melody to me when he'd tuck me in at night as a little girl, stroking my hair until I fell asleep. He'd sing it around the house in his booming yet gentle voice, cooking breakfast or ironing his uniform, getting ready for work as I sat at the table with a bowl of cereal and a side of my dad's infamous peanut butter and banana sandwiches. I remember going to, ironic enough, Grace Church, where I heard it sung in Korean, people lifting their hands, the smell of spicy kimchi and steamy, sticky rice intermingling with conjoined voices, my mom standing and singing with her eyes closed. I remember hearing it sung in Spanish ("Sublime Gracia" sounds a lot cooler) when I'd visit Agape Church in Tijuana, sitting outside in the dirt coloring with local kids. It holds meaning for me. You could even say it's very important to me.

I simply wanted to make note of this song because it randomly played on my Zune just recently (the Sumi Jo version).