Saturday, August 13, 2011

I'm Sorry.

Has there ever been a phrase so potentially unmeaning and cruel? I can't think of anything next to "I love you," can you?

I think that "I'm sorry" is one of the most thrown around phrases in the human language. People say it in response to something negative. In response, unthinkingly. Not necessarily after musing it over for a lengthy period of time. They say it just to make the other person calm down, essentially hoisting the white flag of surrender.

Where did all this animosity against the phrase come from? From an "argument" with my best friend Josh, if you can call it that, hence the quotation marks. Of course there is a lot of history going into this entry about why Josh reacted in such a way, but explaining it is beyond my capacity at the moment.

Simply, I was supposed to go camping this weekend and now I am not. In fact, I'm as far away from camping as I can be, typing away on a laptop computer plugged into an electrical outlet, sitting Indian-style on my queen-sized bed underneath a roof.

Josh and I were supposed to go camping with our old swim team, the Barracudas, but after he got mad at me for supposedly "forgetting" about how we were supposed to hang out Thursday, I cancelled my plans to go with him and the team. One, we had hung out the day before. And two, I never said we weren't going to hang out, only that I could for a few hours to which he replied that he had planned on us going to the beach. Take note that I wouldn't have gotten out of work until 5pm and also that he never told me his beachy plans. He was acting like a jealous boyfriend, again, and I wasn't going to have it. It made me so, so close to just walking away from the death trap that is our friendship, but after talking with my mom I realized, again, that it's hard for someone with feelings to drop them at the door every time they hang out. I understand. I've been there. But it still doesn't make up for the fact that he is annoyingly possessive of my time and outright unreasonable when it comes to me trying to reason with him. He chose this.

I know I sound like a tool. But it's annoying when he blows his top the day before something that's supposed to be really fun and enjoyable. I've been looking forward to this camping trip for a month, and sure, I could have gone, but that meant spending the weekend with a horrible grouch. I opted out.

Of course, he always comes around. He apologized this morning and invited me on a beach trip for today (Saturday). I was almost going to take him up on it since I have absolutely nothing at all planned for today now, but I refused. Call me stubborn, or call me a trying friend. Maybe that camping trip just wasn't meant to happen, or maybe I'm still mad about it and won't accept his apology. Or maybe it's both. I think it's wrong he's shrugging it off and replacing it with an invitation; I didn't want to go to the beach, I wanted to go to the mountains. Now I sound like a five-year-old.

I overreacted at first, but now I'm cooling off.

Is it the phrase "I'm sorry" that's misused most or "I'm fine?"

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I'm obsessed with Best Coast and this fantastic music video. Go Drew Barrymore!

I want a Night Creeper jacket so bad. And Chloe Grace Moretz is so gorgeous.

"I wish he was my boyfrienddddd"

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Crazy, Stupid, Love.

Photo by leah miraballin' via Flickr.

The title of this entry is inspired (stolen?) by the film Crazy, Stupid, Love starring Steve Carell and indie darling Ryan Gosling. I didn't particularly want to watch this movie even though I think Steve Carell is hilarious and Ryan Gosling ridiculously attractive, but after venturing into the theater on my half hour break at work, I was immediately persuaded to see it (which I did with Vanessa today). This isn't a movie review but it was definitely a pleasant surprise, and I'd recommend it to all those romantics out there - funny, real, cute.

Like I was saying, this post isn't about the movie. It's mostly just about how I felt after watching the movie. I've always believed in soulmates. In fact, I believe in soulmates of different calibers; not just romance-wise but also friendship-wise. I believe my best friend Caitie is my soulmate. I know she is. There's just no one who can get me like she does. And I'm not sure if there ever will be. But I also believe in soulmates romance-wise.

I want to meet a boy who has a record player in his house and puts on The Turtles' "Happy Together" and who takes me in his arms with utmost care.

I want that. So badly. I want something I'm not even sure I'm capable of having. I know I'm capable of having a "normal relationship." Hell, I have had a normal relationship. That's not what I'm looking for - but I'm glad I experienced it. I haven't felt sizable chemistry with someone since Daniel - and I know that I will one day - but at times I doubt if I can have that immediate response to anyone - I didn't even have an immediate response to him. But we did have chemistry.

Often times I've thought of launching a dating site where everything is based on a person's musical interests. Random. And arguable considering that would be filed under musical interests, presumably, on dating sites anyway. But music, to me, tells a lot about a person. I love the idea of meeting someone as familiar with The Beatles and Creedence Clearwater Revival songs and Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin hits as I am. I'd probably fall in love immediately. As crazy as that sounds. For some reason I feel a little blue about the whole situation...

I really don't know why, but it's bound to happen from time to time. I just miss being in love.