I don't really know why I'm writing...but it doesn't really matter; there's always something to write about.
I've been preparing for summer - meaning listening to a lot of ska and Sublime and sending in my application for my usual seasonal job as a lifeguard. I say this just about every summer, but this summer is going to be different. This summer I'll be single for the first time in a long time. This summer my best friends will be staying at their respected schools for the majority of the usual 3-month-span vacation. This summer I'll be flying solo basically. Well, kind of. I mean, I have my friends here - that is my all-boy posse. I desperately need to make some girl friends. So I know I'll be busy socially. If I even have time for a social life that is. I plan on 1) going to summer school and getting my last and final math class out of the way and 2) working my ass off as a lifeguard (and trying to get my training done to be a water safety instructor) as well as snag as many hours possible as AMC's weekends-only slave. My ultimate goal is to make $3000 by the end of summer - well, less than that since I'll be spending money on gas, food, and misc. That means I'll need to be averaging about 23ish hours per week, combining my part time job as a lifeguard earning $13/hr and working at AMC for $8/hr - minus taxes. I also have to take into consideration my 4 hour math class. I figure I make myself available on weekends to AMC and pick up shifts when my lifeguard schedule stinks, which it just might since we have oodles of fresh meat this year. That's why I want to try my best to be an instructor. You get weekends off and you're guaranteed 20 hours a week. Still, summer school is going to kill that guarantee since it's a 4 hour class. I figure from 8am-12pm. So that eliminates morning lessons for me, which leaves me with evening lessons and evening swim. Then there's the whole issue with my manager....
I have a lot on my plate. My summer isn't going to be a vacation, but I'm really looking forward to milking it for all it's worth. 3 months to get ahead, 3 months to make money, 3 months dedicated to fulfilling an accomplishment. Oh, and I definitely plan on squeezing in a road trip somewhere.
All I can say is...BRING IT!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The opposite sex.
Naturally, the opposite sex is a big interest of mine. Boys are so easy to figure out but, at the same time, difficult to understand. It's due time I wrote an entry on men, especially with all that's been happening.
As I mentioned earlier on, I make friends with boys easier than with girls. For whatever reason, they're just easier to be friends with. Well, actually, there's a lot of reasons why they're easier to get along with. They (usually) are dramaless and, thankfully, really straightforward. They're more relaxed, and when you hang out with your good guy friends, it's like they rub off some of their I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude onto you. It's kind of like being buzzed, sober. Okay, maybe all this isn't making sense, especially since I'm stereotyping guys, so let me make it more specific: the guys I hang out with, this is how they are. It's a big de-stressor to hang with the guys. They're selfish in their own ways - like girls - but they don't take over the conversation. They make you laugh, they're crude, they honestly don't give a fuck about anything. In a way, it's admirable. I wish I could be like that, or at least pretend that I don't give a fuck about anything (since guys really do care about things, more than girls at times.) But I can't be. One way to know that you're good friends with a guy is when they tell you that they actually do care about something - when they let you in. It's not easy to be let in by a man. You see, there's this thing called pride. And men...they reek of it. That's one downfall of the opposite sex. However, there's always the exception. With some guys, it's like they've been waiting to tell you all their innermost feelings - they just spill it all, ask your opinion.
Men. They're truly complex, despite them saying women are. This is our curse. I can never think like a man, no matter how much of a guy I can be, there's no way I can fully understand their way of thinking, there's no way I can be a man's man. And there's no way a man can understand a woman fully. It's just the way it is, the way we're made.
Men are assholes. Men are sensitive.
Women are bitches. Women are sensitive.
One thing I've never been able to understand about my own sex is how easy we can be. Every guy friend tells me that being easy is the biggest turn-off they can think of. Oh, they might take advantage of it, but there's no way they'd ever actually LIKE a girl that was easy. I don't understand girls, because so many of them are so easy. And then these girls call guys assholes. And they are, this is true. But you can't really blame them either.
Boys will be boys.
Girls will be girls.
I think everyone's pined after someone - if they only liked me, we would honestly be perfect - why don't they like me? I like them so much....
I had one such person. Even to this day, I won't deny that my crush has gone away.
But, to clarify, it's a crush. Nothing big, nothing deadly, nothing that can hurt me.
We hadn't talked in a long, long time, and yet, as soon as we did, there it was. A baby spark that had laid dormant. A part of me recognized the never-gonna-happen-potential, the old longing to be with this person again.
I remember in high school, all those times he'd come over and we'd play video games, watch anime...those times where we were so close, him pressed to me, and all I wanted to do was kiss him....
We talked everyday, hung out everyday, but all I ever was to him was a friend. Just a friend, a really good friend who shared a lot of the same interests, hobbies.
I was friends with him, liked him way before all the other girls started to...but he didn't like me. One of the only times I can remember ever being fully jealous of another girl was because of him. Why HER and not me? She doesn't even like the same things as you! She's stupid, she can't even spell, and look at her hair! And then...why my best friend?
It was hard. Even though I started liking other people, he was always on the top of my list. He was the guy I compared every other guy to. But I was in the friend zone. And once you're there...it's impossible to leave it seems.
Eventually, he fell in love with someone, and I knew it was over...because she was perfect, everything he wanted, everything he LITERALLY had dreams about, the ones he had IMed me about so many times before.
Even though that was so long ago, I remember how I used to feel whenever I was with him, the way his smile would light up my day. Even now, after so much time has passed, it's still the same - but dampened. Now, it's just a...yeah, okay, I'll always be attracted to him, I'll always like him, but I know I can never have him. It doesn't bother me, though it used to, and I'm actually quite happy for him and everything he's been doing, but it's just funny now.
Have you ever been led on?
Both guys and girls are notorious for it. I've never been led on by a guy (well, I have but in a way I care not to explain), even though my always-crush did flirt with me at times, it was always in a joking manner - something I knew he was innocently doing.
I've heard stories of people being led on and it's always the same. Girls (or guys) make themselves easy and get taken advantage of. By using their bodies, or being too nice. Often times, after this happens, they end up being more of an asshole or bitch because of this experience - but they do learn...usually. I've honestly heard WAY too many stories about being led on, it's kind of pathetic. What am I supposed to say? Why are you so stupid? That person's clearly just using you or just wants to be friends, so stop what you're doing. Alas, I have been led on in a way, and I do know that in certain circumstances, being led on is not your fault, that you truly do believe the person you're "with" feels the same, etc. In short, after you've learned your lesson, don't repeat it, because you'll only end up hurt. Way too many girls I know repeat the same mistake, just with other guys.
Can girls and guys just be friends?
A problem with a lot of the guy friends I have is this: they start liking me at some point. It's really frustrating and that might seem bitchy to say, but it is. They start being a little too nice, a little too friendly, and then, they might even pull a move on you. Unlike me, it doesn't seem like the guys I'm friends with pick up on clues very easily. Ever since my always-crush, I know when a guy is interested or not, it's easy. But some people just don't get it, and I don't understand. You can tell them again and again, "I plan on being single for a LONG time" and they'll still try and do something. Finally, you have to have "the talk" and, depending on how close the two of you are, your friendship is saved or smashed into teeny, tiny pieces. I've had my friendships flutter away into nothing but awkwardness, and then I've had friendships that become strengthened and it's nothing but a joke now that they used to like me. Okay, why am I bringing this up?
Because it's been happening lately.
Just the other night, my suspicions were answered about Josh. He told me he had a crush on me. I wasn't surprised, I was just surprised in the way he told me.
Josh has changed. He's matured a lot. Become a "man." He's an asshole. But not to me, and not to those he truly cares about. But he's still the nerd I've always known. The same guy who used to sing me to sleep and read me bedtime stories and make those funny voices I honestly love. He's still the same guy who can make me laugh, no matter what. All he has to do is use his Jasmine voice, and my frown is turned upside down. He's still the person I was best friends with, the person I wanted to be best friends with my whole life. Because he's just awesome like that. The greatest thing about him is that he can make an ass out of himself. There are no words to express how much I value that in a person. I LOVE IT. But, yesterday, we went to see Hot Tub Time Machine (which was good) and then chilled at his house. We stayed up talking until 4:30 in the morning. I don't know what it is with him, but we can talk for HOURS and never get bored. It amazes me. Even in my last relationship, I wasn't able to talk for eight hours straight, let alone so deep into the night. I guess it may be because Josh and I are slight insomniacs as well, but there's something crazy in that fact - something special. I remember when Daniel and I were going out, I would always think about that. I hated that we couldn't talk that long, that when we laid in bed, we would only talk for an hour or two, when all I wanted was to talk all night - not to say that I didn't truly value our conversations because Daniel was someone I could talk to about deep things, things that really meant a lot to me, and I knew he would listen and give me really good feedback.
With Josh, I know it's because he's my best friend, been my best friend since high school that we can talk so long. The only guy best friends I've had are Josh, Daniel, and my always-crush. That's it. And they've all been my best friends for their own reasons, but I've really missed Josh - it's crazy now how I've realized it. There were times where I would just be like "I don't even want to think about Josh." But I always have, ever since we broke up, though I wouldn't dare tell Daniel that. Because even though we broke up, I wanted to be friends with him always. It's ironic because I'm in the same situation as Josh was when we broke up, and Daniel's like how I was with Josh. "It's best we break up, but I still want to be friends."
It took Josh this long to be okay being friends with me, and he says he has a crush. With Daniel, I don't know if being friends will ever happen. And I sure as hell would HATE after so long to develop a crush on him again, which I know Josh does with me.
Anyway...the way Josh told me was surprising. Because he just...did. We were talking about our first thoughts upon seeing each other for the first time in a long time (playing "21 Questions" - the "game" we made up when we first started going out where we have to ask the other a question, and switch off until we reach 21, which we NEVER do), and he said his, after much pestering, was that he'd forgotten how pretty I was. Of course, after that, I was like...oh...but, after he said that, he was just like, well, I actually have something to tell you. And he just said it: "I have a crush on you." And then he went on to explain that it didn't/wouldn't affect us, but that he felt I should know and not to worry about it "because it's just a crush." Writing it doesn't do it justice, but the way he said it...I mean, I could NEVER tell someone I had a crush on them so smoothly. It just made me realize, wow, he really has matured. When will I get to tell someone I have a crush on them so...charmingly? So unaffected by the fact that I would be rejected, that it was okay.
So it's out. And it feels a lot better having it out in the open, instead of festering behind doors. The crazy thing is...it really doesn't affect us, and, in fact, we're going to a Jack Johnson concert in Arizona in October - don't ask why Arizona. But I'm really looking forward to finally getting my best friend back. It's been far too long, really.
Another thing I have to give him is that Josh has always been able to make me feel...really good about myself. No matter what, even after our break-up, he tells me things that question why I deserve to be told something so nice. He thanked me for making him a better person, and that just about made me cry. I knew Josh, was with him, through some of the hardest times in his life. Shit happened to him that no one should have to go through. I don't even know how many times I've seen him cry his heart out over such painful things. And, to be honest, if we weren't together through those times...I'm not sure what path he might have gone down. With Josh, I always felt like God put me in his life to make sure he didn't get into trouble, to get him through high school, encourage him to do his best, make sure he would just be okay. As corny as this sounds...I was like his cheerleader...and back then, it would honestly weigh down on me. At times, it felt really burdensome, and I just wanted a boyfriend with no big issues, that I didn't always have to cheer up and cheer on - that's how much of a bitch I got to be towards the end of our relationship. And that's when it had to end. I wouldn't hurt him by staying by his side when he needed to stand alone. And looking at him now, I know I made the right choice.
The opposite sex...
...the topic could go on for ages.
As I mentioned earlier on, I make friends with boys easier than with girls. For whatever reason, they're just easier to be friends with. Well, actually, there's a lot of reasons why they're easier to get along with. They (usually) are dramaless and, thankfully, really straightforward. They're more relaxed, and when you hang out with your good guy friends, it's like they rub off some of their I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude onto you. It's kind of like being buzzed, sober. Okay, maybe all this isn't making sense, especially since I'm stereotyping guys, so let me make it more specific: the guys I hang out with, this is how they are. It's a big de-stressor to hang with the guys. They're selfish in their own ways - like girls - but they don't take over the conversation. They make you laugh, they're crude, they honestly don't give a fuck about anything. In a way, it's admirable. I wish I could be like that, or at least pretend that I don't give a fuck about anything (since guys really do care about things, more than girls at times.) But I can't be. One way to know that you're good friends with a guy is when they tell you that they actually do care about something - when they let you in. It's not easy to be let in by a man. You see, there's this thing called pride. And men...they reek of it. That's one downfall of the opposite sex. However, there's always the exception. With some guys, it's like they've been waiting to tell you all their innermost feelings - they just spill it all, ask your opinion.
Men. They're truly complex, despite them saying women are. This is our curse. I can never think like a man, no matter how much of a guy I can be, there's no way I can fully understand their way of thinking, there's no way I can be a man's man. And there's no way a man can understand a woman fully. It's just the way it is, the way we're made.
Men are assholes. Men are sensitive.
Women are bitches. Women are sensitive.
One thing I've never been able to understand about my own sex is how easy we can be. Every guy friend tells me that being easy is the biggest turn-off they can think of. Oh, they might take advantage of it, but there's no way they'd ever actually LIKE a girl that was easy. I don't understand girls, because so many of them are so easy. And then these girls call guys assholes. And they are, this is true. But you can't really blame them either.
Boys will be boys.
Girls will be girls.
I think everyone's pined after someone - if they only liked me, we would honestly be perfect - why don't they like me? I like them so much....
I had one such person. Even to this day, I won't deny that my crush has gone away.
But, to clarify, it's a crush. Nothing big, nothing deadly, nothing that can hurt me.
We hadn't talked in a long, long time, and yet, as soon as we did, there it was. A baby spark that had laid dormant. A part of me recognized the never-gonna-happen-potential, the old longing to be with this person again.
I remember in high school, all those times he'd come over and we'd play video games, watch anime...those times where we were so close, him pressed to me, and all I wanted to do was kiss him....
We talked everyday, hung out everyday, but all I ever was to him was a friend. Just a friend, a really good friend who shared a lot of the same interests, hobbies.
I was friends with him, liked him way before all the other girls started to...but he didn't like me. One of the only times I can remember ever being fully jealous of another girl was because of him. Why HER and not me? She doesn't even like the same things as you! She's stupid, she can't even spell, and look at her hair! And then...why my best friend?
It was hard. Even though I started liking other people, he was always on the top of my list. He was the guy I compared every other guy to. But I was in the friend zone. And once you're there...it's impossible to leave it seems.
Eventually, he fell in love with someone, and I knew it was over...because she was perfect, everything he wanted, everything he LITERALLY had dreams about, the ones he had IMed me about so many times before.
Even though that was so long ago, I remember how I used to feel whenever I was with him, the way his smile would light up my day. Even now, after so much time has passed, it's still the same - but dampened. Now, it's just a...yeah, okay, I'll always be attracted to him, I'll always like him, but I know I can never have him. It doesn't bother me, though it used to, and I'm actually quite happy for him and everything he's been doing, but it's just funny now.
Have you ever been led on?
Both guys and girls are notorious for it. I've never been led on by a guy (well, I have but in a way I care not to explain), even though my always-crush did flirt with me at times, it was always in a joking manner - something I knew he was innocently doing.
I've heard stories of people being led on and it's always the same. Girls (or guys) make themselves easy and get taken advantage of. By using their bodies, or being too nice. Often times, after this happens, they end up being more of an asshole or bitch because of this experience - but they do learn...usually. I've honestly heard WAY too many stories about being led on, it's kind of pathetic. What am I supposed to say? Why are you so stupid? That person's clearly just using you or just wants to be friends, so stop what you're doing. Alas, I have been led on in a way, and I do know that in certain circumstances, being led on is not your fault, that you truly do believe the person you're "with" feels the same, etc. In short, after you've learned your lesson, don't repeat it, because you'll only end up hurt. Way too many girls I know repeat the same mistake, just with other guys.
Can girls and guys just be friends?
A problem with a lot of the guy friends I have is this: they start liking me at some point. It's really frustrating and that might seem bitchy to say, but it is. They start being a little too nice, a little too friendly, and then, they might even pull a move on you. Unlike me, it doesn't seem like the guys I'm friends with pick up on clues very easily. Ever since my always-crush, I know when a guy is interested or not, it's easy. But some people just don't get it, and I don't understand. You can tell them again and again, "I plan on being single for a LONG time" and they'll still try and do something. Finally, you have to have "the talk" and, depending on how close the two of you are, your friendship is saved or smashed into teeny, tiny pieces. I've had my friendships flutter away into nothing but awkwardness, and then I've had friendships that become strengthened and it's nothing but a joke now that they used to like me. Okay, why am I bringing this up?
Because it's been happening lately.
Just the other night, my suspicions were answered about Josh. He told me he had a crush on me. I wasn't surprised, I was just surprised in the way he told me.
Josh has changed. He's matured a lot. Become a "man." He's an asshole. But not to me, and not to those he truly cares about. But he's still the nerd I've always known. The same guy who used to sing me to sleep and read me bedtime stories and make those funny voices I honestly love. He's still the same guy who can make me laugh, no matter what. All he has to do is use his Jasmine voice, and my frown is turned upside down. He's still the person I was best friends with, the person I wanted to be best friends with my whole life. Because he's just awesome like that. The greatest thing about him is that he can make an ass out of himself. There are no words to express how much I value that in a person. I LOVE IT. But, yesterday, we went to see Hot Tub Time Machine (which was good) and then chilled at his house. We stayed up talking until 4:30 in the morning. I don't know what it is with him, but we can talk for HOURS and never get bored. It amazes me. Even in my last relationship, I wasn't able to talk for eight hours straight, let alone so deep into the night. I guess it may be because Josh and I are slight insomniacs as well, but there's something crazy in that fact - something special. I remember when Daniel and I were going out, I would always think about that. I hated that we couldn't talk that long, that when we laid in bed, we would only talk for an hour or two, when all I wanted was to talk all night - not to say that I didn't truly value our conversations because Daniel was someone I could talk to about deep things, things that really meant a lot to me, and I knew he would listen and give me really good feedback.
With Josh, I know it's because he's my best friend, been my best friend since high school that we can talk so long. The only guy best friends I've had are Josh, Daniel, and my always-crush. That's it. And they've all been my best friends for their own reasons, but I've really missed Josh - it's crazy now how I've realized it. There were times where I would just be like "I don't even want to think about Josh." But I always have, ever since we broke up, though I wouldn't dare tell Daniel that. Because even though we broke up, I wanted to be friends with him always. It's ironic because I'm in the same situation as Josh was when we broke up, and Daniel's like how I was with Josh. "It's best we break up, but I still want to be friends."
It took Josh this long to be okay being friends with me, and he says he has a crush. With Daniel, I don't know if being friends will ever happen. And I sure as hell would HATE after so long to develop a crush on him again, which I know Josh does with me.
Anyway...the way Josh told me was surprising. Because he just...did. We were talking about our first thoughts upon seeing each other for the first time in a long time (playing "21 Questions" - the "game" we made up when we first started going out where we have to ask the other a question, and switch off until we reach 21, which we NEVER do), and he said his, after much pestering, was that he'd forgotten how pretty I was. Of course, after that, I was like...oh...but, after he said that, he was just like, well, I actually have something to tell you. And he just said it: "I have a crush on you." And then he went on to explain that it didn't/wouldn't affect us, but that he felt I should know and not to worry about it "because it's just a crush." Writing it doesn't do it justice, but the way he said it...I mean, I could NEVER tell someone I had a crush on them so smoothly. It just made me realize, wow, he really has matured. When will I get to tell someone I have a crush on them so...charmingly? So unaffected by the fact that I would be rejected, that it was okay.
So it's out. And it feels a lot better having it out in the open, instead of festering behind doors. The crazy thing is...it really doesn't affect us, and, in fact, we're going to a Jack Johnson concert in Arizona in October - don't ask why Arizona. But I'm really looking forward to finally getting my best friend back. It's been far too long, really.
Another thing I have to give him is that Josh has always been able to make me feel...really good about myself. No matter what, even after our break-up, he tells me things that question why I deserve to be told something so nice. He thanked me for making him a better person, and that just about made me cry. I knew Josh, was with him, through some of the hardest times in his life. Shit happened to him that no one should have to go through. I don't even know how many times I've seen him cry his heart out over such painful things. And, to be honest, if we weren't together through those times...I'm not sure what path he might have gone down. With Josh, I always felt like God put me in his life to make sure he didn't get into trouble, to get him through high school, encourage him to do his best, make sure he would just be okay. As corny as this sounds...I was like his cheerleader...and back then, it would honestly weigh down on me. At times, it felt really burdensome, and I just wanted a boyfriend with no big issues, that I didn't always have to cheer up and cheer on - that's how much of a bitch I got to be towards the end of our relationship. And that's when it had to end. I wouldn't hurt him by staying by his side when he needed to stand alone. And looking at him now, I know I made the right choice.
The opposite sex...
...the topic could go on for ages.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Maryland: Days 2-7
Since I'm writing this days after I've come back, things have become a bit jumbled up regarding what happened on what day, but I shall try my utmost best.
The first thing I have to get out of the way is my misconception of Vanessa's roommate. She is neither non-sociable nor was she displeased that I was there, but both those things and then some. I dislike her entirely. Fan of Regina Spektor or not, I'm glad I won't be seeing her again.
Other than that, my trip was amazing! I got to explore the East Coast and get accustomed to their way of living - which, don't be surprised now, is very much like ours. I did pick up some East Coast lingo however. For instance, "siced" is a word they use to say they're very excited about something. "I'm siced about the Jack Johnson concert!" could be one example. I'm assuming this is directly East Coast lingo because I've never come across it here - ever. There's other ways to use it too, but they escape me. Still, I've already incorporated it into my everyday speech.
The second day I was there I met Vanessa's friends, who are all very, very cool and nice. I went to a CKI meeting the first night I was there (CKI is like the college-version of Key Club, before you join Kiwanis) and met her fellow members who were also cool. So, the second day Vanessa, Ashley, Felicia, and I went to dinner at...a place I can't even remember the name of because it was so horrible. All I know is that it was UMD's campus restaurant, and that I'm strongly recommending you not go there. It's expensive, and the service is lacking - although there was this waiter that looked a cross between Pau and Sasha, and he was nice. It was a really good time though, I was honestly cracking up the whole dinner. Oh, before I go any further, one place I will recommend for food is Noodles, Inc. It's a great franchise that sells...well, noodles. But of every variety. Italian, Asian, American (as in Mac 'n Cheese.) It's very good and not very expensive.
Also, I got to meet (more like glance at) Vanessa's crush that day. She's so cute about her crushes; she freaks out. But I guess I would do the same. I can't really say much about him since I BARELY saw him, but he's British. Need I say more?
Now the days start mushing together, so I'm going to guess from here on out. The next thing I remember doing (and this probably happened on the second day now that I think about it) was going to a cool indie movie house called AFI in Silver Spring, MD. Vanessa and I took the metro...where I cheated and didn't put my farecard through at the terminal (more on this later) to go see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo which was really, really good. But really, REALLY intense. It was funny - in odd, subtle ways, even though the lead actor was pretty funny period. But it is NOT a comedy. It's a thriller AND it's a foreign film (Swedish.) If you're a movie buff, you have to love foreign films because they're just better than American films in general (okay, my opinion), but you also have to know that foreign films don't edit a damn thing. So, prepare yourself if you're going to see this movie. Still, it's a really great movie. AND it's a book, a trilogy. I'm definitely reading it.
After the movie, we went back to the metro terminal and I reattempted to cheat my way through by not using my farecard and hurrying after Vanessa so I wouldn't get closed out. I thought I was home free, but then...while getting on the escalator...a voice stopped me. That of the popo! I was freaking out, I knew he'd seen me, why else would he stop me mid-escalator?! Well, he did see me, and he threatened me with a $50 ticket where, once I heard that, I pleaded with him and told him I was just a silly Californian who didn't know how the system worked, etc. So he let me go long story short, but that was stupid. NEVER DO THAT. Granted, I'm stupid so I don't think anyone would, but still. DON'T.
Vanessa's the President of CKI so she's a busybody and she had to be gone the entire day once. I'm pretty sure this was the third or fourth day. Anyway, I got to explore College Park by myself. I walked around (by now it was getting hot, in the 80s), ate (I am now convinced that no matter what college you go to, the food is disgusting - except UCLA) and decided I wanted to go back to Silver Spring, which I did (this time using my farecard thank you very much.) I walked around, took some photos, then went back to AFI to watch Greenberg, starring Ben Stiller. It was...okay. It had its moments, but it was a Noah Baumbach film...I hated The Squid and the Whale. Greenberg was definitely better, but not a movie I'd recommend necessarily. When I got back it was almost eleven at night (public trans can be annoying), which meant it was time for bed. Although Vanessa and I shared her top bunk, it was strangely comfortable and not as frightening as I thought.
The next thing I remember doing is going to Chinatown in Washington, D.C. which was really fun. We just walked around, took a HILARIOUS picture of a guy smoking a pipe who looked like some kind of spy, and went to museums, or a portrait museum to be exact. It was really cool - literally, the air conditioning was a savior. The museum itself was really interesting. I love museums. I could stay in one all day long. I took some illegal photos in there apparently - oops.
After that day, Vanessa took me to a CKI event - Total K Day! Which was in Virginia. Maryland, Washington, Virginia. I killed three birds with one stone (this saying makes me really sad, but it applies nonetheless.) So, some of CKI's cohorts, me, and Vanessa went on a three hour car ride to Total K Day. I've never heard so much Lady Gaga in my life. Cal, the former president, is outrageously gay and so...I heard about thirteen remixes of "Telephone" but it was fun. The actual event was great. I got to meet Vanessa's stalker and make cards for sick kids in the hospital and DANCE. Fun, fun, fun. The ride back made it an adventure though. So, we're about an hour away from UMD and we see police lights flashing. Now I've never been pulled over in my life. EVER. To make things worse, we were illegally crammed into the van. Two people were sitting in one seat. It was nerve-wracking, even for me. Cal was freaking, but stayed pretty calm. When he pulled out his registration papers, there were a few dollars jammed into them, which we later joked was to suggest to the cop we'd pay him off - not. It felt like the cop was taking forever to check Cal's history and we were thinking of ways to have him let us go (show him our matching CKI service event shirts to provoke sympathy?) Amazingly, even though the cop KNEW we were illegally crammed in the van, he just let Cal off with a warning to fix his taillight. Damn taillight. It was fun though. Before that, on the way back, we also sang Vanessa happy birthday in the car. Way to start off being twenty, don't you think?
On Vanessa's actual birthday we spent it with her cousins and aunt, which was cool. One of her cousins is crazy, but in a really good way. Now I know why Vanessa is so weird! There was a point where everybody started singing songs from Fiddler On the Roof. It was one of those rare moments where I truly felt I belonged right here, right now, in this moment.
And with that, I was off to BWI airport at FIVE IN THE MORNING. Ugh. And now I'm back in California, which I actually missed quite a bit. I love the East Coast, but there's just nothing like California. Truly. I miss Vanessa, she needs to come home. However, I'm glad I finally got to visit her. I feel very accomplished.
The first thing I have to get out of the way is my misconception of Vanessa's roommate. She is neither non-sociable nor was she displeased that I was there, but both those things and then some. I dislike her entirely. Fan of Regina Spektor or not, I'm glad I won't be seeing her again.
Other than that, my trip was amazing! I got to explore the East Coast and get accustomed to their way of living - which, don't be surprised now, is very much like ours. I did pick up some East Coast lingo however. For instance, "siced" is a word they use to say they're very excited about something. "I'm siced about the Jack Johnson concert!" could be one example. I'm assuming this is directly East Coast lingo because I've never come across it here - ever. There's other ways to use it too, but they escape me. Still, I've already incorporated it into my everyday speech.
The second day I was there I met Vanessa's friends, who are all very, very cool and nice. I went to a CKI meeting the first night I was there (CKI is like the college-version of Key Club, before you join Kiwanis) and met her fellow members who were also cool. So, the second day Vanessa, Ashley, Felicia, and I went to dinner at...a place I can't even remember the name of because it was so horrible. All I know is that it was UMD's campus restaurant, and that I'm strongly recommending you not go there. It's expensive, and the service is lacking - although there was this waiter that looked a cross between Pau and Sasha, and he was nice. It was a really good time though, I was honestly cracking up the whole dinner. Oh, before I go any further, one place I will recommend for food is Noodles, Inc. It's a great franchise that sells...well, noodles. But of every variety. Italian, Asian, American (as in Mac 'n Cheese.) It's very good and not very expensive.
Also, I got to meet (more like glance at) Vanessa's crush that day. She's so cute about her crushes; she freaks out. But I guess I would do the same. I can't really say much about him since I BARELY saw him, but he's British. Need I say more?
Now the days start mushing together, so I'm going to guess from here on out. The next thing I remember doing (and this probably happened on the second day now that I think about it) was going to a cool indie movie house called AFI in Silver Spring, MD. Vanessa and I took the metro...where I cheated and didn't put my farecard through at the terminal (more on this later) to go see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo which was really, really good. But really, REALLY intense. It was funny - in odd, subtle ways, even though the lead actor was pretty funny period. But it is NOT a comedy. It's a thriller AND it's a foreign film (Swedish.) If you're a movie buff, you have to love foreign films because they're just better than American films in general (okay, my opinion), but you also have to know that foreign films don't edit a damn thing. So, prepare yourself if you're going to see this movie. Still, it's a really great movie. AND it's a book, a trilogy. I'm definitely reading it.
After the movie, we went back to the metro terminal and I reattempted to cheat my way through by not using my farecard and hurrying after Vanessa so I wouldn't get closed out. I thought I was home free, but then...while getting on the escalator...a voice stopped me. That of the popo! I was freaking out, I knew he'd seen me, why else would he stop me mid-escalator?! Well, he did see me, and he threatened me with a $50 ticket where, once I heard that, I pleaded with him and told him I was just a silly Californian who didn't know how the system worked, etc. So he let me go long story short, but that was stupid. NEVER DO THAT. Granted, I'm stupid so I don't think anyone would, but still. DON'T.
Vanessa's the President of CKI so she's a busybody and she had to be gone the entire day once. I'm pretty sure this was the third or fourth day. Anyway, I got to explore College Park by myself. I walked around (by now it was getting hot, in the 80s), ate (I am now convinced that no matter what college you go to, the food is disgusting - except UCLA) and decided I wanted to go back to Silver Spring, which I did (this time using my farecard thank you very much.) I walked around, took some photos, then went back to AFI to watch Greenberg, starring Ben Stiller. It was...okay. It had its moments, but it was a Noah Baumbach film...I hated The Squid and the Whale. Greenberg was definitely better, but not a movie I'd recommend necessarily. When I got back it was almost eleven at night (public trans can be annoying), which meant it was time for bed. Although Vanessa and I shared her top bunk, it was strangely comfortable and not as frightening as I thought.
The next thing I remember doing is going to Chinatown in Washington, D.C. which was really fun. We just walked around, took a HILARIOUS picture of a guy smoking a pipe who looked like some kind of spy, and went to museums, or a portrait museum to be exact. It was really cool - literally, the air conditioning was a savior. The museum itself was really interesting. I love museums. I could stay in one all day long. I took some illegal photos in there apparently - oops.
After that day, Vanessa took me to a CKI event - Total K Day! Which was in Virginia. Maryland, Washington, Virginia. I killed three birds with one stone (this saying makes me really sad, but it applies nonetheless.) So, some of CKI's cohorts, me, and Vanessa went on a three hour car ride to Total K Day. I've never heard so much Lady Gaga in my life. Cal, the former president, is outrageously gay and so...I heard about thirteen remixes of "Telephone" but it was fun. The actual event was great. I got to meet Vanessa's stalker and make cards for sick kids in the hospital and DANCE. Fun, fun, fun. The ride back made it an adventure though. So, we're about an hour away from UMD and we see police lights flashing. Now I've never been pulled over in my life. EVER. To make things worse, we were illegally crammed into the van. Two people were sitting in one seat. It was nerve-wracking, even for me. Cal was freaking, but stayed pretty calm. When he pulled out his registration papers, there were a few dollars jammed into them, which we later joked was to suggest to the cop we'd pay him off - not. It felt like the cop was taking forever to check Cal's history and we were thinking of ways to have him let us go (show him our matching CKI service event shirts to provoke sympathy?) Amazingly, even though the cop KNEW we were illegally crammed in the van, he just let Cal off with a warning to fix his taillight. Damn taillight. It was fun though. Before that, on the way back, we also sang Vanessa happy birthday in the car. Way to start off being twenty, don't you think?
On Vanessa's actual birthday we spent it with her cousins and aunt, which was cool. One of her cousins is crazy, but in a really good way. Now I know why Vanessa is so weird! There was a point where everybody started singing songs from Fiddler On the Roof. It was one of those rare moments where I truly felt I belonged right here, right now, in this moment.
And with that, I was off to BWI airport at FIVE IN THE MORNING. Ugh. And now I'm back in California, which I actually missed quite a bit. I love the East Coast, but there's just nothing like California. Truly. I miss Vanessa, she needs to come home. However, I'm glad I finally got to visit her. I feel very accomplished.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Maryland: Day 1
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...
It is so refreshing.
Vanessa's in her 3-hour journalism class and I'm just-showered in a cramped yet cozy dorm room with the window cracked open. The weather is a bit wet and therefore wildly exhilarating. From the window I can see a brick building and a bare tree, dampened and dark from the morning rain. It's already five o' clock and I've spent the whole day adjusting to East Coast time.
My flight got in at around 6:30am. It was a peaceful flight; everyone seemed to fall asleep - except for me that is. I didn't get to have any interesting conversations, but the older couple next to me were very kind people. I'm definitely bringing food on my way home because all they seemed to show was Man v. Food. Not cool United Airlines. Not cool. The journey was a bumpy one filled with turbulence - which was just grand. Even though I thought I was somewhat traumatized from the five-foot drop on my last flight, I wasn't scared in the slightest, it was actually quite fun, though we did have a harsh landing. It was foggy when we came in, so the landing came out of nowhere. I felt like a lone swimmer in the ocean, waiting for the worst. Which touches on something of interest. I feel I'm somewhat of a morbid person. For some reason, if I'm doing something remotely dangerous, I think of the worst case scenario. Take the plane for instance, I kept thinking "What if Man v. Food is the last thing I watch before I die? That would be kind of funny." I mean, how morbid is that? I guess it's not too bad though. At least I'm not Harry Burns.
Anyway, I LOVE TRAVELING! Especially via airplane. I LOVE IT. From the hustle and bustle of the airport, to people-watching in the terminal, to finding your seat and settling in for a ride unlike any other. It's honestly the GREATEST. I guess traveling could be considered a hobby/interest, and as one, it would be my favorite. Once I landed, I grabbed my luggage (which was giving me a scare, mine was the second to last piece!) After that, I called Vanessa and reported my confusion as to where I was, then found the B30 bus stop (#2 to be specific) and waited about five minutes. I boarded the bus like a pro (thanks public trans in Santa Barbara!) and took a half hour drive to the metro station (Greenbelt for those of you who ever want to visit UMD.) Along the way...it was breathtaking. There were so many trees! Even though they were bare, they were beautiful! Thin and lanky and thick and tall and all different colors; maroon, beige, brown, black. Those with leaves stood proud and when we passed by an open field filled with floating mist, I held my breath. The East Coast is truly something else. It's such a breath of fresh air - literally. The air is crisp and fresh, with forewarning of humidity if stuck indoors.
Public transportation is a breeze. I met Vanessa at Greenbelt and we took a short metro trip - on which we passed a massive lake where two gentlemen were fishing - then boarded another bus to her school (which was PACKED with college kids and whose driver SUCKED - he hit the breaks so fast everyone was thrown around.)
After that ordeal, we finally reached our main destination: the University of Maryland, College Park. It is INCREDIBLY different from West Coast universities. It is quintessential East Coast. Nearly all the buildings are brick with huge white columns and direct print labeling their purpose. It's really great. Vanessa's dorm is brick as well and I feel like I've been thrown back in time to the days of the colonies. She swipes her card and opens the ONE door to her hall. It's a maze inside and I make sure to memorize the way to get to her dorm - her hall is COMPLETELY different than mine was in Santa Barbara. They don't have elevators, and there's different passageways and stairs to get to her room. The building is older than mine was and her dorm is much smaller than mine with only one closet to share and the desks pushed to the wall nearest the door. But like I said, it's cozy. There's a heater under the one window that can be opened by pushing up - like the ones you always see in old movies. Vanessa's desk is covered in papers and important things and a lot of post-its. She even has a piece of yellow notebook paper taped to the top of her desk for self-motivation for those hard times we're all familiar with: "I love you, me!" and "Vaness=AMAZIN'." She's adorable. There's a bunk bed across from the desks. Vanessa has top bunk. Her roommate is either not very sociable or upset about my being here - I haven't figured that out quite yet, but I guess we all have our bad days. She likes Keane and Regina Spektor so she's cool with me irregardless.
And, just in time, Vanessa's back! Update lates.
It is so refreshing.
Vanessa's in her 3-hour journalism class and I'm just-showered in a cramped yet cozy dorm room with the window cracked open. The weather is a bit wet and therefore wildly exhilarating. From the window I can see a brick building and a bare tree, dampened and dark from the morning rain. It's already five o' clock and I've spent the whole day adjusting to East Coast time.
My flight got in at around 6:30am. It was a peaceful flight; everyone seemed to fall asleep - except for me that is. I didn't get to have any interesting conversations, but the older couple next to me were very kind people. I'm definitely bringing food on my way home because all they seemed to show was Man v. Food. Not cool United Airlines. Not cool. The journey was a bumpy one filled with turbulence - which was just grand. Even though I thought I was somewhat traumatized from the five-foot drop on my last flight, I wasn't scared in the slightest, it was actually quite fun, though we did have a harsh landing. It was foggy when we came in, so the landing came out of nowhere. I felt like a lone swimmer in the ocean, waiting for the worst. Which touches on something of interest. I feel I'm somewhat of a morbid person. For some reason, if I'm doing something remotely dangerous, I think of the worst case scenario. Take the plane for instance, I kept thinking "What if Man v. Food is the last thing I watch before I die? That would be kind of funny." I mean, how morbid is that? I guess it's not too bad though. At least I'm not Harry Burns.
Anyway, I LOVE TRAVELING! Especially via airplane. I LOVE IT. From the hustle and bustle of the airport, to people-watching in the terminal, to finding your seat and settling in for a ride unlike any other. It's honestly the GREATEST. I guess traveling could be considered a hobby/interest, and as one, it would be my favorite. Once I landed, I grabbed my luggage (which was giving me a scare, mine was the second to last piece!) After that, I called Vanessa and reported my confusion as to where I was, then found the B30 bus stop (#2 to be specific) and waited about five minutes. I boarded the bus like a pro (thanks public trans in Santa Barbara!) and took a half hour drive to the metro station (Greenbelt for those of you who ever want to visit UMD.) Along the way...it was breathtaking. There were so many trees! Even though they were bare, they were beautiful! Thin and lanky and thick and tall and all different colors; maroon, beige, brown, black. Those with leaves stood proud and when we passed by an open field filled with floating mist, I held my breath. The East Coast is truly something else. It's such a breath of fresh air - literally. The air is crisp and fresh, with forewarning of humidity if stuck indoors.
Public transportation is a breeze. I met Vanessa at Greenbelt and we took a short metro trip - on which we passed a massive lake where two gentlemen were fishing - then boarded another bus to her school (which was PACKED with college kids and whose driver SUCKED - he hit the breaks so fast everyone was thrown around.)
After that ordeal, we finally reached our main destination: the University of Maryland, College Park. It is INCREDIBLY different from West Coast universities. It is quintessential East Coast. Nearly all the buildings are brick with huge white columns and direct print labeling their purpose. It's really great. Vanessa's dorm is brick as well and I feel like I've been thrown back in time to the days of the colonies. She swipes her card and opens the ONE door to her hall. It's a maze inside and I make sure to memorize the way to get to her dorm - her hall is COMPLETELY different than mine was in Santa Barbara. They don't have elevators, and there's different passageways and stairs to get to her room. The building is older than mine was and her dorm is much smaller than mine with only one closet to share and the desks pushed to the wall nearest the door. But like I said, it's cozy. There's a heater under the one window that can be opened by pushing up - like the ones you always see in old movies. Vanessa's desk is covered in papers and important things and a lot of post-its. She even has a piece of yellow notebook paper taped to the top of her desk for self-motivation for those hard times we're all familiar with: "I love you, me!" and "Vaness=AMAZIN'." She's adorable. There's a bunk bed across from the desks. Vanessa has top bunk. Her roommate is either not very sociable or upset about my being here - I haven't figured that out quite yet, but I guess we all have our bad days. She likes Keane and Regina Spektor so she's cool with me irregardless.
And, just in time, Vanessa's back! Update lates.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
A little taste of Korean pop culture - bubbly!
To counteract my last entry, I've decided to post a little "jolly" tidbit on Korean pop culture seeing as I'm half Korean and all. I know quite a bit about it (though nowhere close to a LOT of other people.) Still, I keep up with what's popular, who's hot (Gong Yoo is ALWAYS) and, of course, Korean fashion, which is far more superior than American fashion hands down. In fact, when I visit S. Korea in the near future, I'm at a loss for what to bring clothes-wise. Which is why I plan on bringing an extra empty suitcase - not only are their clothes ultra cute but cheap too!
So, anyway, you might have heard the term J-Pop, basically Japanese pop music. And maybe you've heard the term K-Pop, or Korean pop music. I keep up with K-Pop more since I can understand it (for the most part), and tend to like it better, but J-Pop catches my attention once in awhile. Asia is ahead of us in so many things - except music. Remember the 90's when pop music was all the craze? The Backstreet Boys, Britney before she turned skank-mode, N'Sync, etc. Well, that's Korea now. And there seems to be no stopping it. (Not to say that that's the ONLY music out there, in fact there are a few "indie" bands I like a lot.)
There is this HUGE, and I mean HUGE, Korean all-girl pop band called SNSD - I'm not sure how many members are in this band, but there's more than your typical four that's for sure. Yoona, who is a BIG, BIG celebrity in Korea (an actress, singer, and other such things) is its star. They just recently debuted their music video for their song "Run Devil Run" which is very catchy. It's constantly blasting from my laptop - drives my mom a little crazy.
And this was my jam before this song came out, by the same band, without subtitles this time:
Ha, I know I'm a nerd for liking this so much. But then again, I LOVE anime. It's really no surprise I like K and J-Pop.
Other than that new release, there's Japan's all-girl band Scandal who somewhat, kindasortanotreally recently debuted their music video for "Shoujo S." It came out last year. Also, if you like the anime Bleach, this is the 10th Bleach opening song.
I cannot stomach Asian boy bands which is why both of these were all-female bands.
Here is an example why:
Moving on...
What I love most from Korean pop culture is the drama. Korean soap operas that is.
I haven't watched any new ones as of late and I only just finished watching one of the most popular dramas in Korea (and Asia) called "Boys Before Flowers" and I'm working on "The 1st Coffee Shop Prince" right now.
I LOVED "Boys Before Flowers" even though I didn't like the first episode. And I LOVE "The 1st Coffee Shop Prince." Korean dramas are honestly unlike any soap you've seen - they're so much more fun (and innocent) and TRUE and plain out different, better (for the most part.) I mean, who really cares if Jessica is Caleb's real baby's mama? I sure don't.
Take for instance "The 1st Coffee Shop Prince." I watch all my dramas on a website called www.mysoju.com and here's the site's summary of the drama:
"The life of Go Eun Chan (Yoon Eun Hye) is not easy; she works many jobs to pay off debts and even gave up her feminine image. Choi Han Kyul (Gong Yoo) is the heir of a big food company, but his grandmother wants him to settle down, so she arranged many dates for him. After Eun Chan bumped into Han Kyul and was mistaken for a boy, Han Kyul decided to hire Eun Chan to be his gay lover in order to avoid the arranged dates. Desperately in need of money, Eun Chan had no choice but to accept. Han Kyul's grandmother also made Han Kyul in charge of a filthy coffee shop in danger of being bankrupt. Eun Chan begged to work at the coffee shop, and not long after, feelings start to spark, except, how would Han Kyul accept his 'homosexuality'?"
It's honestly great. I love it. And Gong Yoo is seriously the cutest, most attractive Korean man ever.
Anyway, I was watching this drama which sparked this entry. Now to get back to it!
So, anyway, you might have heard the term J-Pop, basically Japanese pop music. And maybe you've heard the term K-Pop, or Korean pop music. I keep up with K-Pop more since I can understand it (for the most part), and tend to like it better, but J-Pop catches my attention once in awhile. Asia is ahead of us in so many things - except music. Remember the 90's when pop music was all the craze? The Backstreet Boys, Britney before she turned skank-mode, N'Sync, etc. Well, that's Korea now. And there seems to be no stopping it. (Not to say that that's the ONLY music out there, in fact there are a few "indie" bands I like a lot.)
There is this HUGE, and I mean HUGE, Korean all-girl pop band called SNSD - I'm not sure how many members are in this band, but there's more than your typical four that's for sure. Yoona, who is a BIG, BIG celebrity in Korea (an actress, singer, and other such things) is its star. They just recently debuted their music video for their song "Run Devil Run" which is very catchy. It's constantly blasting from my laptop - drives my mom a little crazy.
And this was my jam before this song came out, by the same band, without subtitles this time:
Ha, I know I'm a nerd for liking this so much. But then again, I LOVE anime. It's really no surprise I like K and J-Pop.
Other than that new release, there's Japan's all-girl band Scandal who somewhat, kindasortanotreally recently debuted their music video for "Shoujo S." It came out last year. Also, if you like the anime Bleach, this is the 10th Bleach opening song.
I cannot stomach Asian boy bands which is why both of these were all-female bands.
Here is an example why:
Moving on...
What I love most from Korean pop culture is the drama. Korean soap operas that is.
I haven't watched any new ones as of late and I only just finished watching one of the most popular dramas in Korea (and Asia) called "Boys Before Flowers" and I'm working on "The 1st Coffee Shop Prince" right now.
I LOVED "Boys Before Flowers" even though I didn't like the first episode. And I LOVE "The 1st Coffee Shop Prince." Korean dramas are honestly unlike any soap you've seen - they're so much more fun (and innocent) and TRUE and plain out different, better (for the most part.) I mean, who really cares if Jessica is Caleb's real baby's mama? I sure don't.
Take for instance "The 1st Coffee Shop Prince." I watch all my dramas on a website called www.mysoju.com and here's the site's summary of the drama:
"The life of Go Eun Chan (Yoon Eun Hye) is not easy; she works many jobs to pay off debts and even gave up her feminine image. Choi Han Kyul (Gong Yoo) is the heir of a big food company, but his grandmother wants him to settle down, so she arranged many dates for him. After Eun Chan bumped into Han Kyul and was mistaken for a boy, Han Kyul decided to hire Eun Chan to be his gay lover in order to avoid the arranged dates. Desperately in need of money, Eun Chan had no choice but to accept. Han Kyul's grandmother also made Han Kyul in charge of a filthy coffee shop in danger of being bankrupt. Eun Chan begged to work at the coffee shop, and not long after, feelings start to spark, except, how would Han Kyul accept his 'homosexuality'?"
It's honestly great. I love it. And Gong Yoo is seriously the cutest, most attractive Korean man ever.
Anyway, I was watching this drama which sparked this entry. Now to get back to it!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I don't know exactly where to start this entry off...
A lot of things have happened lately. "Bad news first, good news last" seems to always be the format of choice...so bad news first. Today my mother got a call from her sister in Korea. My mom's last uncle died. I never knew him...but it was clear that my mom and him were close. Because she cried.
Seeing either of your parents cry is...hard. Really hard. I found myself crying, cradling her in my arms when she confessed that she hadn't called him in years. It was heartbreaking. The only comfort was that he was a Christian and loved God. He's in a better place now. But you have to mourn. And my mom is. Thankfully, I was able to cheer her up a bit today. We watched a Korean drama, ate ramen, talked, kept busy and, most importantly, laughed. Still, I know I won't be enough to keep her from mourning. Tonight, I won't be able to hold back her tears when she goes to bed. But my mom is strong, and this is something that is necessary. I've never lost anyone close to me in my life. But I know one day I will....
Death is a constant reminder that I am not invincible, that God can choose to take me whenever he wants. It's funny...sometimes I forget that I'm so fragile. That I'm nothing but skin and bones, surviving on the only planet known to man to sustain life, and only by a fraction. It's really a miracle. Anyone who says they don't believe in miracles is blind.
Better yet, I often forget that those close to me are fragile. You know, when you're younger you think your parents are like superheroes. Nothing can hurt them. They actually do seem invincible. They can do everything. As you get older, you start to realize that your parents aren't as perfect as you thought (or are invincible.) Like when you realize that flowers grow by photosynthesis and not by the animals in Bambi who come out at night and sprinkle magic dust on the ground. Things become more "clear" you could say.
It seems that the most common regret with those who lose loved ones is that they should have done something - called, apologized, spent more time with them.
Yes, death is a reminder. Not only of our mortality, but of the mortality of those you love most. Never take time for granted. Never harbor feelings. That's why I hate when people hold grudges. No matter the outcome, do as much as you can so that you can live life without regret. To know that you at least did everything you could do is better than doing nothing (even if the outcome is not what you hoped for) - and people always realize that too late.
So, that happened today.
And a day or so ago...I got fired from my job working for an older Jewish gentleman in the most cowardly way - and I'm not talking about my boss. I didn't even get a chance to quit. At least it's done with. I honestly don't care enough anymore to talk about it. It's not worth it.
And now, with the bad news behind us, the "good news."
Well there's really no good news anymore, but Vanessa was here for her spring break not too long ago which made me a very happy gal. Completely out of the blue, she says she's in Fontana. I just about peed my pants. It was great to talk about "stuff" and watch When Harry Met Sally and sleepover. And go to a gay prom and Hamburger Mary's. We had ourselves a good time, despite the obstacles.
I honestly don't know what I did to deserve the friends I have. I ask God that ALL THE TIME. It worked out much too perfectly. It's like we're puzzle pieces that fit together. We work so well, it's hard to believe. We were meant for each other. It sounds so cheesy but it's so true. Vanessa is AMAZING. I've never met a person more caring than she is. She has the ability to make you happy when you feel like complete shit. She's goofy and too cute, you always feel like pinching her cheeks. And yet, she's so aggressive - in such a good way. She goes after things and does them. She's a doer. I admire her the most. And yet, when she's been hurt, she really gets hurt, it clings to her because she cares. So much. It surprises me at times. But most of all she's genuine. There are moments where I just lose it and start acting silly, busting rhymes or laughing at unfunny things - and she goes along with it! I honestly can't express how GREAT that is. I'm just really thankful I have her in my life and that I'll be seeing her again soon.
As for the other good things...
I've been having fun at work. Yes, fun. Now that I'm not a depressed, anti-social person anymore, I've been making friends (surprise, surprise.) It's actually enjoyable. Along with friends...there are boys. Just boys. Boys. God. I know I won't be in a relationship soon because I'm not good for anybody right now...but these boys. One just doesn't give up. The other...the thing is, I actually like him, though I wouldn't consider him my type...though who am I kidding comparing my last two exes? What type am I talking about? Still, I know he likes me. He practically told me. It's easy to see. And I feel pretty horrible about it....I'm nowhere near ready for that. And I'm so much more wiser than I was before. I need time. And a lot of it.
Then there's Josh. No real updates there except that I can say that we're good friends. We haven't hung out in awhile, but I'm always glad to see him. I never thought exes could be friends...especially with what's happened recently. But the truth is, they can. I'm just thankful for his friendship - the fact that he'd want to hang out with me after everything. It shows me a lot about him...
And then there's Maryland. I'm off to Vanessa's home state Sunday night. But lucky/unlucky me, my best friend Cait is coming home for spring break. Still, I'll be able to see her for awhile Sunday morning before I leave for my flight. I miss her so much. Fontana just isn't the same without her here.
A lot of things have happened lately. "Bad news first, good news last" seems to always be the format of choice...so bad news first. Today my mother got a call from her sister in Korea. My mom's last uncle died. I never knew him...but it was clear that my mom and him were close. Because she cried.
Seeing either of your parents cry is...hard. Really hard. I found myself crying, cradling her in my arms when she confessed that she hadn't called him in years. It was heartbreaking. The only comfort was that he was a Christian and loved God. He's in a better place now. But you have to mourn. And my mom is. Thankfully, I was able to cheer her up a bit today. We watched a Korean drama, ate ramen, talked, kept busy and, most importantly, laughed. Still, I know I won't be enough to keep her from mourning. Tonight, I won't be able to hold back her tears when she goes to bed. But my mom is strong, and this is something that is necessary. I've never lost anyone close to me in my life. But I know one day I will....
Death is a constant reminder that I am not invincible, that God can choose to take me whenever he wants. It's funny...sometimes I forget that I'm so fragile. That I'm nothing but skin and bones, surviving on the only planet known to man to sustain life, and only by a fraction. It's really a miracle. Anyone who says they don't believe in miracles is blind.
Better yet, I often forget that those close to me are fragile. You know, when you're younger you think your parents are like superheroes. Nothing can hurt them. They actually do seem invincible. They can do everything. As you get older, you start to realize that your parents aren't as perfect as you thought (or are invincible.) Like when you realize that flowers grow by photosynthesis and not by the animals in Bambi who come out at night and sprinkle magic dust on the ground. Things become more "clear" you could say.
It seems that the most common regret with those who lose loved ones is that they should have done something - called, apologized, spent more time with them.
Yes, death is a reminder. Not only of our mortality, but of the mortality of those you love most. Never take time for granted. Never harbor feelings. That's why I hate when people hold grudges. No matter the outcome, do as much as you can so that you can live life without regret. To know that you at least did everything you could do is better than doing nothing (even if the outcome is not what you hoped for) - and people always realize that too late.
So, that happened today.
And a day or so ago...I got fired from my job working for an older Jewish gentleman in the most cowardly way - and I'm not talking about my boss. I didn't even get a chance to quit. At least it's done with. I honestly don't care enough anymore to talk about it. It's not worth it.
And now, with the bad news behind us, the "good news."
Well there's really no good news anymore, but Vanessa was here for her spring break not too long ago which made me a very happy gal. Completely out of the blue, she says she's in Fontana. I just about peed my pants. It was great to talk about "stuff" and watch When Harry Met Sally and sleepover. And go to a gay prom and Hamburger Mary's. We had ourselves a good time, despite the obstacles.
I honestly don't know what I did to deserve the friends I have. I ask God that ALL THE TIME. It worked out much too perfectly. It's like we're puzzle pieces that fit together. We work so well, it's hard to believe. We were meant for each other. It sounds so cheesy but it's so true. Vanessa is AMAZING. I've never met a person more caring than she is. She has the ability to make you happy when you feel like complete shit. She's goofy and too cute, you always feel like pinching her cheeks. And yet, she's so aggressive - in such a good way. She goes after things and does them. She's a doer. I admire her the most. And yet, when she's been hurt, she really gets hurt, it clings to her because she cares. So much. It surprises me at times. But most of all she's genuine. There are moments where I just lose it and start acting silly, busting rhymes or laughing at unfunny things - and she goes along with it! I honestly can't express how GREAT that is. I'm just really thankful I have her in my life and that I'll be seeing her again soon.
As for the other good things...
I've been having fun at work. Yes, fun. Now that I'm not a depressed, anti-social person anymore, I've been making friends (surprise, surprise.) It's actually enjoyable. Along with friends...there are boys. Just boys. Boys. God. I know I won't be in a relationship soon because I'm not good for anybody right now...but these boys. One just doesn't give up. The other...the thing is, I actually like him, though I wouldn't consider him my type...though who am I kidding comparing my last two exes? What type am I talking about? Still, I know he likes me. He practically told me. It's easy to see. And I feel pretty horrible about it....I'm nowhere near ready for that. And I'm so much more wiser than I was before. I need time. And a lot of it.
Then there's Josh. No real updates there except that I can say that we're good friends. We haven't hung out in awhile, but I'm always glad to see him. I never thought exes could be friends...especially with what's happened recently. But the truth is, they can. I'm just thankful for his friendship - the fact that he'd want to hang out with me after everything. It shows me a lot about him...
And then there's Maryland. I'm off to Vanessa's home state Sunday night. But lucky/unlucky me, my best friend Cait is coming home for spring break. Still, I'll be able to see her for awhile Sunday morning before I leave for my flight. I miss her so much. Fontana just isn't the same without her here.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Thanks, Bob.
"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect, you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break; her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."
-Bob Marley
Shit, Bobby. You said it.
-Bob Marley
Shit, Bobby. You said it.
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