I'm the kind of person who always needs a plan. If a plan doesn't work out, I just make up another one to take its place. However, one plan has become unfurled and I can't conjure up another plan to take its place - for once. This defeated plan has been taking a toll on me. That plan...
I'm twenty years old. Everyone (namely my girlfriends, even though a large amount of my guyfriends do too) have a significant other (not all but more and more are snagging them) and are involved in "serious relationships" - living together, yadayadayada. That was supposed to be me! Would be me if occurences hadn't decided to (thankfully) occur. I feel that's why I'm so in limbo, because I don't have that security blanket that ensures that one day I too will get married and have a family - "the ultimate plan." I saw my old friend Kaelyn over break and she told Caitie and I that we had to attend her wedding to which we replied "Duh!" even though it was going to be in the far off future. Isn't that what I'm supposed to be saying too? And even though Caitie isn't so adament about her and Loyd I'm 98% positive that they'll end up getting married and having really cute Costa Rican/white babies.
My life is going off its "main track": graduating from high school, going to college, graduating from college, landing a career, having a family....well, I guess I still have two more steps to go before I actually have to start worrying.
Talking with Josh about all this made me feel a smidgen better. He thinks I'm crazy, basically. But he's a boy. I feel this is a girl issue. I mean, I don't really want my plan to work right now. Meaning I don't want a relationship. But I'm upset about it. What the hell?
Alright, I need to go back to studying.